Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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