My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Boobs are out for the taking
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
