If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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