SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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