I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize