i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Michael Bay diarrhea
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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