Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
