So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
