i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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