he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
