; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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