dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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