Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize