Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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