My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
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