I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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