I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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