I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Someone shattered a urinal.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
