I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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