coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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