My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
