One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize