genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
