Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
