I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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