You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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