wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
