I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
