we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
