i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
