My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize