he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
