If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
