I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
3 2 1 whiskey
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
