Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
