It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize