I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
