My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
