whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think my vagina is haunted
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
