So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
