we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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