Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
