you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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