My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
