Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize