I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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