now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
