I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
