Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize