....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
