Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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