I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
