The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
