My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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