Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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