The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
