So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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