I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize