Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
