My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
