whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
