I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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