i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
