Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
