You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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