Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
