Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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