Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
