is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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