I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm getting married
To pizza
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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