She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
