Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
