What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
