I hate your face
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize