Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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