I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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