The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize