Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
