I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
