Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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