Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hate all girls vehemently.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
