I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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