literally had 100 drinks last night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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