Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
