I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
