I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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