my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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