I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
