She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
