I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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