i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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