I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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