there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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