Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
