Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
