You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
