literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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