Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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