I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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