My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
