I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
