Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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