How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
