I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
