Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
