so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
