I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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