help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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