She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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