On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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