so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
