We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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