Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
