Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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